What Does It Actually Mean to Feel Safe in Therapy? Alison Hochman, LMFT

Let’s be real, starting therapy takes a lot of courage. Maybe this is your first time reaching out for support. Maybe you've tried therapy before and left feeling unseen, dismissed, or like you had to put on a brave face. If that’s been your experience, I want to start by saying: I see you.

There’s one thing that makes all the difference in the therapy process and that’s feeling safe.

Not just physically safe or knowing your information is confidential (though those are important too). I’m talking about emotional safety. Nervous system safety. The kind of safety where your body softens, your shoulders drop, and you feel like you can finally take a full breath. The kind where you're allowed to be messy, real, and fully human without judgment.

For many of us, especially those who’ve spent a lifetime people-pleasing, masking, or pushing through, that kind of safety can feel unfamiliar. But it’s the foundation for real healing.

So... What Does Emotional Safety in Therapy Look Like?

Emotional safety isn’t just a vibe it’s something you can feel in your body. It’s the slow, steady trust that says, “I don’t have to perform here.”

Here are some signs you’re in a safe therapeutic relationship:

• You’re not rushed. Your therapist follows your pace and honors what you’re ready (or not ready) to explore.

• All your emotions are welcome. Anger, grief, shame, confusion, joy nothing is “too much.”

• You feel seen. Like really seen beyond your symptoms, roles, or labels.

• You leave sessions feeling more grounded than when you walked in. Not activated, shut down, or overwhelmed.

• You’re treated like a whole person. Your therapist holds space for your strength and resilience, not just what hurts.

In a space like that, survival strategies can soften. You don’t have to over-explain. You can begin to explore your inner world with more curiosity and compassion.

If Therapy Hasn’t Felt Safe, It’s Not Your Fault

If you’ve ever frozen in a session, dreaded going back, or walked away feeling worse please know this doesn’t mean therapy “isn’t for you.” More often, it means your body didn’t feel safe enough to open up. And that makes so much sense.

There are a lot of reasons this happens:

• You were raised in an environment where vulnerability wasn’t safe.

• You’ve learned to smile through pain to avoid conflict or rejection.

• A previous therapist didn’t understand your trauma, neurodivergence, or lived experience.

This is exactly why finding a trauma-informed therapist matters. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about helping you feel safe enough to be yourself and heal at your own pace.

How Somatic Therapy Supports Safety

In my work, I often integrate somatic therapy, which simply means we include the body in the healing process because trauma lives in the body, not just the mind.

We might start with questions like:

• What are you noticing in your body right now?

• Is there any space for a deeper breath?

• What would help your body feel even 5% more supported in this moment?

We’re not forcing anything. We’re building trust not just between you and me, but between you and your body. Over time, this allows for deeper regulation, more ease, and lasting change.

Curious to Explore More?

Here are a few resources I often recommend for clients who are learning to feel safer in their bodies and in relationships:

📚 Books:

• The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk

• Attached – Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

• Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection – Deb Dana

🎧 Podcasts:

• Therapy Chat

• On Being with Krista Tippett

🧠 Tools to Explore:

• Window of Tolerance – A helpful way to understand your nervous system states

• The Feelings Wheel – To grow your emotional vocabulary and self-awareness

You Deserve to Feel Safe, Seen, and Supported

Therapy isn’t about fixing you, it's about walking with you, slowly and safely, as you reconnect with your truth, your body, and your capacity to heal.

If you’re looking for a therapist who honors your pace, welcomes your full humanity, and understands how trauma lives in the nervous system I’d be honored to connect.

🌿 I offer free 15-minute consultations so we can make sure we’re a good fit. If it feels like the right next step, I’m here.